Fuck the government. Fuck good intentions. Why the fuck couldn’t they just leave the situation the fuck alone? Moral policing, looking after the future – that’s not their job! Whats their fucking problem? Didn’t they learn from the Gun laws? Ban guns and the only people who’ll turn theirs in will be the people you never had to worry about in the first place! Bad people don’t follow the law! And you know what happens, when governements fuck up? People die. And people did die. And it was all their fault. Now it’s all their fault again. It’s their fault I have to sneak into my own damn operation room in my own damn hospital at 3:00 AM in the fucking night. Why couldn’t they just let it be legal? Why couldn’t they let us take that ‘next big step in evolution’? I mean, if everyone’s special, no one is right? Right?
I’ve got to calm myself. Hands shaking like I’ve got Parkinson’s isn’t going to help this. Oh shit, what if I get it wrong? What if after I take the money, and then when the baby pops out there’s something wrong? Fuck. That won’t happen. I know what I’m doing and nothing will go wrong. People are doing it. Everyone’s probably fucking doing it. Everyone probably sneaks into their own damn operating theatres to cut bits of living foetuses off. Foeti. Fuck. I can’t believe after so many years I don’t know what the plural for foetus is. Maybe I’m not that good at my job. No, if you weren’t the best, they wouldn’t be putting so much money on the table. And so much more under it. No, you’re the best alright, you’re the smartest sexiest surgeon alive and you’re going to do this thing just fine. It’s going to be beautiful. A living work of art-What the fuck am I doing? But at least I know everyone can’t be doing it. They wouldn’t offer me so much if everyone was doing it.
They’ll probably be getting ready in there. I wonder how that lady must feel. Letting me poke around inside her womb – its her fucking baby! Isn’t she scared? Or is it just that the possible benefits outweigh the risk? These wall street bastards are all about risks aren’t they? Risk analysis, S.W.O.T and all that bullshit. But this is life and they’re pro-life. For fuck’s sake, they’re the most high-prolife pro-life people in the state! It’s not ok to kill a foetus in the womb but its ok to permantly disable it for life. Well, not permanently. I mean, thats the point after all. But fuck me, who’d have figured it. The Kasthuris. Of all the people. Of course, no little pissant would have this kind of money. And I’m doing it for the money. No, not the money! I’m doing it for Trish. For Jai. We need this money. That’ll be a birthday gift that won’t be topped. Here, Jai, look, we’ve bought you life. Now you get to live normally instead of cursing your body every goddamn day of your life.
Fuck the government again. Fuck them again and again. Who’s the motherfucker that didn’t put Watson’s Syndrome in the list? It’s got the same effect as the others! Who gives a flying fuck if it has an outward physical manifestation? It’s the disability right. It should’ve been on the fucking list. But can’t do anything about that. Can’t beat the system from within. Can write my fucking papers and start the fucking petitions but no ones cares. What I can do is do something very illegal so I can gets lots of money to afford the very expensive but legal operation for my son. And then retire to another country. Where no one will ask any quest..shit. It’s almost time. Got to calm myself. I’ll play something. Get my mind off.
“Have you ever loved someone so much you’d give an arm for? Not the expression. Literally.”
Got to love shuffle and mood detector. Oh, I have, Mr. White Chocolate. I have loved someone so much. Would I do this if I didn’t love Trish and Jai so much? I’m risking everything here, doing this for them. And I am giving an arm. Well, not my..but I’m giving him an arm. A super-arm. Ok, fine, technically, I personally am not giving it to him either. The government’s giving it to him! Those rat bastards! Fuck those fucking fuckers! Seriously, making it a rule that only the disabled can get prosthetics is ridiculous. So much research wasn’t put in to make the world a better fucking place! Would they have bothered developing these prosthetic till they were so perfect if they thought this would happen? Arms stronger than yours, that feel no pain, that seamlessly connect with your body – and its for allowed only to poor little disabled fucks? Of course this was going to happen! You think the Kasthuri’s with all their money, who have lived their whole lives knowing that they had the best of everything would allow their sons to be inferior to anyone?
Smart plan though. Giving the kid a disability before he’s born. He’ll probably never find out the truth. Probably live his whole life thanking God for the … opportunity he was born with. Why couldn’t Jai have been born with one of those ..opportunities? I bet thats what every mother and father’s thinking. Why can’t my son or daughter be born fucked up? With stumps for legs or hooks for hands? Well, I’ll tell you why, its because God doesn’t love you enough. Not like he loves the Kasthuris. But who needs God when you have me?